There's a new internet site out there called Chatroulette. Basically, it lets you chat with random strangers and then hit next and move on whenever you get bored with that person. It's a harmless diversion! It's the kind of thing you know everyone you know is going to do once. Like sex in a turnpike dunkin donuts bathroom. It's not the kind of thing anyone would think twice about except for the fact that it's on the...internet! It's not a craze - the Macarana was a craze! This is an internet site that will very quickly become a repository of 5% curiosity-seekers and 95% free-floating dongs.

http://watch.thecomedynetwork.ca/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart/headlines/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart---march-2010/clip273960#clip273960

...but damn I wish I was!

I refuse to admit that OkCupid deserves praise for introducing us though. If I had been using the site for non-research purposes I would have dismissed Mr. Rogers based on his checking off of the religious beliefs box as "Christianity and somewhat serious about it".  Not that there's anything wrong with having religious beliefs! But if you make a point of noting it on your profile, usually it's because you're a crackpot zealot. But being that Mr. Rogers had everything else going in his favor - and good god, the pickings were slim - I thought I'd go with it and hope he wasn't, you know, a nut.

As it happens, after hanging out with Mr. Rogers for the better part of the afternoon yesterday, I'm pretty sure he's not a nut. And I'd also tell him to get new pictures except then everyone else would figure out how adorable he really is and well, even though I live way up here on the other side of the border I'd just as soon not help other women to date him. Um, yet.  (You know how on POF women on a guy's favorites list can leave a note about how great he is, telling you to totally give him a chance? Right. There's a reason he's being thrown back into the sea. If they actually cared they'd shut up. Or blog about him under a different name.)

Anyways, Mr. Rogers is also very frustrated with online dating. While I've found OkCupid to be at least less freaky than other sites, Mr. Rogers says he finds that women tend to put up only one pic - usually a headshot - as a trick to avoid showing what they really look like. And then either avoid ever meeting in person - or when they do, look nothing like he expected. And not in a good way. He also tried out Match and said he came away after three months without a single date. (I've also found Match to be a wasteland for trying to connect with people - but then, now that I think about it I only had one pic up...) He countered my stories of creepy guy pics in basements and laundry rooms with emails from women who clearly looked like crack addicts. Fun times all this profile and pic dating!

I did say you'd get an loV-blog but as it turns out, it's a neighborly day in this beautywood and I'm signing off until the New Year!

Happy 2010!

What - did you think I'd given up? Never! Haven't you heard that the
ratio of (eligible awesome) men to women in Vancouver is 1/8? May not
be a proven ratio, but I'm starting to believe it - although I don't
think it's just Vancouver. I think it's men 30-40. Anyways - I have a
date with a seemingly eligible friendly elementary school teacher from
OkCupid  - from a suburb of Seattle - and I'll be damned if he's the
first teacher I've come across on a dating site. So across the border
I go to meet MR. ROGERS! (Tomorrow at noon - you'll have to hang on a
day for the re-cap, but yes, a new lov-blog you'll get!)

Here's what it comes down to: someone decided long ago that the concept of dating online would mean forgoing all the things we normally get to do when we date in the real world. Like being allowed to discover personal details - or have them revealed to you based on trust. In online dating world you check off a box if you want to date or have a relationship - or get married. In online dating world you let everyone know right up front whether or not you intend to have children. You tell the entire world whether you drink, smoke or do drugs. Or you lie about it. But it's right there on your profile. Sometimes you even have to answer questions about how you feel about one night stands, how important you feel sex is in a relationship, and how sexual a person you are - before you're even allowed to complete your profile.

Seriously? I mean - seriously??

These are personal questions people! If a guy asks me how I feel about marriage and kids on the first - let alone third date - and yes, it does happen, women aren't the only ones with ticking clocks - I'd be looking for an exit route. But online dating has the system completely screwed up. After all, why not discuss marriage and kids with a complete stranger? You know everything about their preferences; background-color: all neatly checked off on their profile! And on the flip side - why bother even considering a dater who doesn't check off the box for "want kids" if you do? Heck, why bother getting to know anyone. Clearly you can tell everything from their picture and profile. What's left for the date?

There are so many people out there genuinely trying to connect - it's mind-boggling. And yet every site I sign up on has a new gimmick - on top of more grocery-list profiles to shop. Is this really what you want? It's not what I want. I want a solution. Oh, wait - I'm working on one.

In the meantime, if you do want to meet peeps online, here's a late xmas/holiday/hannukah gift: you can use FINDMEDATEME to contact members you've searched from paid sites...and not pay. Woop. (I have nothing to do with the service - there's just nothing worth paying for on the paid sites. If they want to make their profiles public, searchable and hackable for however FMDM does it? Pfft. Go nuts.)

If you test FMDM out, swing by and share!

*Feb 17th, 2010 - I just checked the link and FMDM seems to be gone! If you're still curious, here's the link to the home page which was cached on Google January 20th:

Google's cache of http://www.findmedateme.com/

Just in case you needed a quick break from all the turkey, here's the quick and dirty lowdown on all the dating insanity! Brief notes on a few sites below and I'll be back tomorrow to pontificate on the meaning of it all...Happy Christmas!

ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK: Singlesnet, Be2, Match, Chemistry, Jdate, Nerve/Fastcupid, Eharmony, Yahoo! Personals, TrulyMadlyDating, BeautifulPeople

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT: Lavalife, PlentyofTweeps, PlentyofFish, DatingBetter

BRAND SPANKING NEW: Flirtbox, Kizmeet, OkCupid, Millionairematch, Friendfinder, SeekingArrangement, BadOnlineDates, Spark, Omnidate

Millionairematch: what? I have to try them all! Yes, it's as hokey as it sounds. Signed up on this one for Vancouver - very few in metro Van and I'd be very, very surprised if any of these men actually had any money. Really guys? Really? I'd imagine any self-respecting millionaire wouldn't want a public, searchable profile - but hey, that's just me.

Seekingarrangment - Ha! ....and I’m pretty sure if you’re signed up on this one, you’re a guaranteed douchebag! Oops, did I say that out loud? I’m so glad that Seekingarrangement runs this warning as you sign your rights away: “Please take note that we prohibit anyone from promoting illegal activities (such as prostitution)… If you are an ESCORT, please do not join this website.” – ooo, I’m sure that works wonders! I had to sign up as a "sugar baby" and specify the monthly budget of support I was looking for (I went with "open/negotiable") and yes, I did throw up in my mouth, just a little. Ok, a lot. But they offered a lifetime membership to Lindsay Lohan after she got dumped by Samantha Ronson last spring (or hadn’t you heard?) – I mean, how could I not investigate such an amazing opportunity for a young, screwed up woman to post her entire life in a public, searchable space so that she can sort through profiles of um….I dunno. Dirtbags with gobs of money? Or dirtbags pretending to have gobs of money? Gee, I wonder if Lindsay turned them down! Totally classy Sugar Baby pic (#1) is below.

Datingbetter: Ever try searching your username after signing up on one of these sites? Dating.com makes your profile public and searchable to members -- and to the public. As in, my username popped up right at the top of my google search and then gave me complete access to the profile and pic while I was logged out of my account. (Plenty of Tweeps does the same thing). Datingbetter is another classy one using pics of hooker-women in their designs. Which is fine if that’s what you’re selling – but they say it’s not. Make up your own mind: Pic #2

(download)

Click here to download:

24_Sites_on_the_25th_A_Happy_X.zip (208 KB)

Singlesnet: Seriously, not a collection of men who inspire confidence and 2/3 of “local” Vancouver choices are in Washington. If only pics were taken by someone who could explain to these guys that a sunny day and a smile do wonders for first impressions...also that bare lightbulbs and your bleak basement/laundry room clearly visible in pic make you look like the unabomber. Just saying.

OmniDate: Virtual dating! Award winner for creepiest dating site I’ve signed up on to date - let alone creepiest collection of male pics. If there was anything to pay attention to in their profiles I didn't notice because I was too baffled by the rest of it. Why, why, why would I want to use an Avatar that looks like a hooker to represent me during an online date with men who look like guys I'd cross the street to avoid?

OkCupid: Described as “free, fun & smart” – and so far, does seem to be. Profiles are very well written – I have to admit I did actually go back to re-write mine because I felt like an underachiever after reading some of the interesting ones. No Vancouver presence unfortunately, so I signed up for Seattle - and even then I'm getting contacted by guys in Portland. Overall I wish that there was less going on with the site – and that they’d stop badgering me to play the match games. But generally this one seems like a big plus.I mean, considering the alternatives.

PlentyofTweeps: Sent emails and “likes” to three guys on Plenty of Tweeps – asked if they’d like to meet for coffee. Received one response after a few days:

Subject: Re: hi

What are your qualifications?

Have we met?

Ummm….right. Elected not to respond. The Vancouver-based pool of 30 – 40 year olds remained unchanged in the 2 1/2 odd weeks since I signed up: including one co-founder twice (who, from his twitter feed, appears to be attached), his business partner, another member I’ve been advised has a girlfriend and is only there for research purposes, and qualifications guy who doesn’t seem to understand the concept of a dating site. After finding out that POT profiles are searchable on google (as noted above), decided to delete my account. Except go figure, there’s nowhere to do it! Clever. And extremely annoying. So I deleted the twitter account I created for the site. Which still, even more frustrating, leaves my photo up on the site as a recent visitor and dead link. Apparently I have to deal with my profile footprints surviving on POT until site traffic eventually tramples out my path. Ugh.

Badonlinedates: “This dating and social network has been created to turn negative dating experiences into positive ones” – ok, fair enough. The site is indeed a bit quirky, there's some kind of a web series I couldn't be bothered to watch, if you care, you can upload video content and you do get to add a little blurb about your worst date, which is fun. But the site doesn't actually do anything about changing the dating process. Same old profile sign-ups, same old gallery search and shopping. And zero West Coast presence: 2 men within 100 miles of Seattle . 79 within 100 miles of a Beverly Hills zip code.

p.s. for the record I make a fuss about the friend thing because we hung out for 5 hours! And I was honest about what I was doing! dammit.

So we’re on Day 3 – sorry, I skipped a day thanks to an earache - and I am still slogging my way through the “guided communicaton steps” with possible daters on Chemistry a nd E-Harmony (how do you ever meet anyone in person this way???) and Match only JUST approved my profile (not exactly sure, but I think they objected to my use of William Shatner’s name – he’s a cousin twice-removed…too personal!). The guided communication steps are possibly the most frustrating thing I’ve ever encountered in regards to a system supposedly set up to encourage you to connect with another human being (well of course it is – they want to slow down the process, right?) - but is the general idea that if you’re dating online you have absolutely no social skills whatsoever? Have now discovered that E-Harmony does give you the option to “fast-track” – skip all the steps and go straight to email – but they give you this huge long disclaimer and personal letter from some doctor about how you should avoid rushing and are you sure this is what you want to do…I clicked yes! And told my hottie pilot he should come find me on MSN. Oh thank god, no more guided communication on E-Harmony at least!

New site sign-ups:

TrulyMadlyDating: Free to set up profile, wander around

Usability: This one was recommended by a friend who had read about in the NY Times – they do seem to have rather impressive reviews but only two male members in Canada between the ages of 28 – 45. One in Vancouver and one in Montreal! I favorited the Vancouver guy – why not! Same old re set up and with the endless check-off profile questions – I did like the addition of this question: how truthfully have you answered these questions? I checked off “very”. (Which wasn’t the most truthful of them all..like I said…I try!)

Lavalife: Free for most things as far as I could tell. I believe if you want to know who has been checking your profile you need to pay, but sending emails is free. I’ll check back with info.

Usability: Lavalife has always been very easy re meeting guys – especially with the IM function (although guys who IM are not looking for relationships) but since Plenty of Fish turned up on the scene word on the street is that profiles are either dead or skewed very old. We’ll see once my pic gets approved in 24 hours. Just realized while writing this – I only set up one profile in the “relationship” section. Lavalife works with three sections: Dating, Relationship, and Intimate (which – if you’ve ever wandered through – is not for the faint of heart). Have to go back and set up a Dating profile too. Crap.

Plenty of Fish: Free.

Usability: Easy as pie if you like window-shopping for your dates. POF is known for having a buffet of young, hot singles to choose from – my general feeling? Doesn’t matter what anyone says on their profiles here, this is the worst kind of virtual meat market.

Yep, my profile is live. Onwards and upwards!

Four down...26 to go! No, this is just sign-ups. what? you thought I'd be dating already? ha! um, yeah so did I. Keep reading.

Last night I sat down and started out with Plenty of Tweeps (new local baby), Match, Chemistry and Eharmony. Took me less than 6 minutes to sign up for Plenty of Tweeps (yay!) although that would be because everyone is ignoring the request to fill out the personal bio so I did too – which, in the other sign-ups turned out to be the least tedious part. Go figure. Meanwhile I was PRAYING for Chemistry’s “Helen-Fisher vetted” questionnaire to end and had to get drunk just to drag myself to through the last stage of Eharmony’s. (Which also turned out to still be another FIVE pages from the end). I swear I was trying to be as truthful as possible (my knee-jerk response to generic armchair-psychology-style questionnaires is – gasp! – inappropriate sarcasm…but I am TRYING) …and Eharmony was bugging me with their questions about sexual compatibility – which you have to answer – and which really are none of their business or (more to the point) how I would ever choose to look for someone to date by multiple choice – so by the time I got to the short answer “name three things you’re thankful for” I said: my family, Vancouver and potatoes.

Well it’s true. I love them.

So. Quick re-cap.

Plenty of Tweeps: Free.

Usability: meh. We’ll see. Had to sign up for a new twitter account aside from my work one because there’s no way I’d want work connected to the site…it’s just too public. So now Dating Me looks like Loser Me With No Friends. Which kind of works against you in POT world. I know, deep.

Match: Free if I only want to wink. I think I'll do the free winking and let the guys on this one get in touch with me. (Unless I have to pay to read mail...argh, I didn't check. Well, I guess we'll find out!)

Usability: Easy enough, seem to be a lot guys in Vancouver but to be blunt, out of about 60 (40? Quick scan, there was wine) I only saw one attractive pic. Match also in a class action suit about dead profiles – they deny. Curious. Especially since all of these clearly had a note saying active within 24 hours to 3 days. But maybe that's WHY. Ooo - intrigue!

Chemistry: $49.95/ One month – 10 matches for me which I was privvy to after the never-ending profiling, but you have to pay to get in touch. Which I did, oh joys.

Usability: Meh. 2 of the 10 seem of interest. You get 5 new a day. I’m curious if they have that many in Vancouver - this morning there were only 3 new. Where are my 5 dammit! Also the communication set-up is for toddlers – it’s too annoying to explain in full but there are still like, three more baby steps before I can even email with these guys. Shoot me now. For $49/month someone should be able to say hello without jumping hoops. We are not teenagers.

E-Harmony: $59.95/One month – same deal as Chemistry. Have to pay to get in touch and E-Harmony won’t show you pics til you pay. Only got six matches here.

Usability: Also has the fify-ways to Sunday steps before you can actually contact anyone. What does a girl have to do to get a phone number around here?? Kidding. But here’s my question – Eharm’s pricing is very clearly geared towards getting you on their 12-month plan. On the 12-month? $19.95/month (for plunking down $239.40 up front). Not exactly suggesting that their system works is it? Who the heck wants to be on here for a year? Just saying.

All the sites had profile & pic approvals, so I believe I've just been unleashed on the (few) online men of the world...(stay tuned for video blogs - starting later this week!

 ....30 days for one determined redhead to figure out whether the most well-known online dating services across North America actually have a hope in hell of lighting a romantic spark outside of cyberspace. With a totally open mind! Ok, with a dump truck of skepticism. Lavalife, E-Harmony, Match, Craigslist, OkCupid, J-Date, Plenty of Fish, Nerve, Yahoo Personals...