Just in case you needed a quick break from all the turkey, here's the quick and dirty lowdown on all the dating insanity! Brief notes on a few sites below and I'll be back tomorrow to pontificate on the meaning of it all...Happy Christmas!

ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK: Singlesnet, Be2, Match, Chemistry, Jdate, Nerve/Fastcupid, Eharmony, Yahoo! Personals, TrulyMadlyDating, BeautifulPeople

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT: Lavalife, PlentyofTweeps, PlentyofFish, DatingBetter

BRAND SPANKING NEW: Flirtbox, Kizmeet, OkCupid, Millionairematch, Friendfinder, SeekingArrangement, BadOnlineDates, Spark, Omnidate

Millionairematch: what? I have to try them all! Yes, it's as hokey as it sounds. Signed up on this one for Vancouver - very few in metro Van and I'd be very, very surprised if any of these men actually had any money. Really guys? Really? I'd imagine any self-respecting millionaire wouldn't want a public, searchable profile - but hey, that's just me.

Seekingarrangment - Ha! ....and I’m pretty sure if you’re signed up on this one, you’re a guaranteed douchebag! Oops, did I say that out loud? I’m so glad that Seekingarrangement runs this warning as you sign your rights away: “Please take note that we prohibit anyone from promoting illegal activities (such as prostitution)… If you are an ESCORT, please do not join this website.” – ooo, I’m sure that works wonders! I had to sign up as a "sugar baby" and specify the monthly budget of support I was looking for (I went with "open/negotiable") and yes, I did throw up in my mouth, just a little. Ok, a lot. But they offered a lifetime membership to Lindsay Lohan after she got dumped by Samantha Ronson last spring (or hadn’t you heard?) – I mean, how could I not investigate such an amazing opportunity for a young, screwed up woman to post her entire life in a public, searchable space so that she can sort through profiles of um….I dunno. Dirtbags with gobs of money? Or dirtbags pretending to have gobs of money? Gee, I wonder if Lindsay turned them down! Totally classy Sugar Baby pic (#1) is below.

Datingbetter: Ever try searching your username after signing up on one of these sites? Dating.com makes your profile public and searchable to members -- and to the public. As in, my username popped up right at the top of my google search and then gave me complete access to the profile and pic while I was logged out of my account. (Plenty of Tweeps does the same thing). Datingbetter is another classy one using pics of hooker-women in their designs. Which is fine if that’s what you’re selling – but they say it’s not. Make up your own mind: Pic #2

(download)

Click here to download:

24_Sites_on_the_25th_A_Happy_X.zip (208 KB)

Singlesnet: Seriously, not a collection of men who inspire confidence and 2/3 of “local” Vancouver choices are in Washington. If only pics were taken by someone who could explain to these guys that a sunny day and a smile do wonders for first impressions...also that bare lightbulbs and your bleak basement/laundry room clearly visible in pic make you look like the unabomber. Just saying.

OmniDate: Virtual dating! Award winner for creepiest dating site I’ve signed up on to date - let alone creepiest collection of male pics. If there was anything to pay attention to in their profiles I didn't notice because I was too baffled by the rest of it. Why, why, why would I want to use an Avatar that looks like a hooker to represent me during an online date with men who look like guys I'd cross the street to avoid?

OkCupid: Described as “free, fun & smart” – and so far, does seem to be. Profiles are very well written – I have to admit I did actually go back to re-write mine because I felt like an underachiever after reading some of the interesting ones. No Vancouver presence unfortunately, so I signed up for Seattle - and even then I'm getting contacted by guys in Portland. Overall I wish that there was less going on with the site – and that they’d stop badgering me to play the match games. But generally this one seems like a big plus.I mean, considering the alternatives.

PlentyofTweeps: Sent emails and “likes” to three guys on Plenty of Tweeps – asked if they’d like to meet for coffee. Received one response after a few days:

Subject: Re: hi

What are your qualifications?

Have we met?

Ummm….right. Elected not to respond. The Vancouver-based pool of 30 – 40 year olds remained unchanged in the 2 1/2 odd weeks since I signed up: including one co-founder twice (who, from his twitter feed, appears to be attached), his business partner, another member I’ve been advised has a girlfriend and is only there for research purposes, and qualifications guy who doesn’t seem to understand the concept of a dating site. After finding out that POT profiles are searchable on google (as noted above), decided to delete my account. Except go figure, there’s nowhere to do it! Clever. And extremely annoying. So I deleted the twitter account I created for the site. Which still, even more frustrating, leaves my photo up on the site as a recent visitor and dead link. Apparently I have to deal with my profile footprints surviving on POT until site traffic eventually tramples out my path. Ugh.

Badonlinedates: “This dating and social network has been created to turn negative dating experiences into positive ones” – ok, fair enough. The site is indeed a bit quirky, there's some kind of a web series I couldn't be bothered to watch, if you care, you can upload video content and you do get to add a little blurb about your worst date, which is fun. But the site doesn't actually do anything about changing the dating process. Same old profile sign-ups, same old gallery search and shopping. And zero West Coast presence: 2 men within 100 miles of Seattle . 79 within 100 miles of a Beverly Hills zip code.

Einstein was very helpful in shedding light on how EHarmony's matching system actually works. Basically, he told me to stop pussyfooting around what I want. I thought the whole point of grinding my teeth through the psychological profiling was so they'd find people who matched me based on those characteristics. Apparently not. Einstein said he wasn't even sure what any of that ended up being used for: the system really only takes what you ask for into consideration in the section where you specify what you'd like in a partner. Which is the part where I usually go...well, as long as he's over 6 feet I'm good. And ignore the rest. Except that it seems that within EHarmony's system, anything checked off at a level less than “utmost importance” will make the system disregard.  So based on the fact that I pretty much have no choices listed for what I want in a partner - including height (I think I chose "would be nice") - EHarmony is, indeed, sending me every single guy in Vancouver. Fantastic.

Can we all please take a moment here and think about what this means? Maybe this won't feel like quite the pie in the face that it is until until you've filled out 10 of these profiles (yes, 10 - new sites!) in less than a week - and, more to the point, paid (for almost all of) them - but EHarmony and Chemistry in particular, are promising lonely singles a chance at happiness based on having access to a highly touted psychological matching system which in the end plays little or no part in how the companies execute the process itself. Which they don't explain in the slightest. But why would they, right? This is an industry built on the misery of others - and their level of success is measured on keeping you just unhappy enough that you'll keep paying, keep thinking that love will be right around the corner if you just hang on. Because they know what they're doing. They have the system. It's still all Shamwow though, right? With classier editing and a better timeslot.

It's vaguely worth noting here that I have absolutely no first-hand knowledge of the ACTUAL inner workings of the algorithms EHarmony and Chemistry match by. Just my first-hand annoyance. And Einstein's theory of relative ignorance. Ha Ha.

New dates!

Thursday: Perfect Match! Ha! Match thinks this guy is 86% perfect for me - and so did Chemistry, except he says he's never even subscribed. ooo the intrigue!

Sunday: Lawyer from POF...well, they're only 15 min. dates - I can be curious for round 2! Did I tell you about the lonely firefighter yet? I met a lonely firefighter. Um, somewhere. I forget.

Site Re-Cap:

CLOSED PROFILES

Lavalife - uuuugh (see previous entries). Also not a peep other than the "we'll get back to you in 24 hours!" auto-response. stellar.

Plenty of Fish - received 26 emails from guys I'd never want to talk to. Mostly felt creepy. The guys I contacted myself turned out much better obviously, clearly if you're willing to sift through the huge, huge haystack it's fine for what it is....(Russian Roulette got back in touch to apologize for how our coffee ended and I think we're going to hang out when this whole thing is over...so that I don't have to write about him again!) but not excited to contact others and just generally feel uncomfortable having my photo and profile up - even under a different name. Clicking on the guys who have viewed my profile was not fun either.

NEW -

Nerve.com - dating site is actually through fastcupid.com. Same as usual although very few in Vancouver and it wouldn't let me switch to Seattle once my profile was up.

Yahoo Personals - large dating population in Vancouver. Was surprised to find out this is a paid site - had understood it was free. Is technically free to sign up and make profile searchable - not sure how long I can coast along as free if I want to get in touch with others though. Will leave it until profile is approved in 24 hours in any case. They have a nice feature that I haven't seen else where: you can choose to withhold your profile as private and only display to people you contact - also make a big deal about registering with a first name instead of a "username".

Singlesnet.com - Same old but quick and painless sign up. Another one of these US sites that I think I'll need to switch my location to Seattle for...but I'll give it a couple days (there was a big "lots of Canadian singles!" ad on the front page but when I signed up the quick matches were all in the US and...Chilliwack. yay.)

p.s. for the record I make a fuss about the friend thing because we hung out for 5 hours! And I was honest about what I was doing! dammit.

It’s getting fun people! Day 5 and I’m getting asked out on dates…but I can't remember who they are! Oh my god, I’m a guy. Ok, so I’m kidding, sort of – but I’m definitely getting very sweet emails asking for dates...by names that don’t ring a bell. Which is all E-Harmony’s fault. Their user interface is not user friendly by any means – names aren’t associated with pictures when you go down the list, so there’s no quick way to remember who the heck you like. Yes, I suppose I could have paid attention to something like their names if I wanted to be all personal about it – but at this stage? I was just trying to slog through the glut of profiles.

Oh, yes, that. I am now convinced that E-harmony doesn’t do the slightest in terms of special matching. They’ve been overloading me with “meet your new match!” notices just about every hour, and not one profile I've reviewed shows anything to suggest that these men would be a better match for me than for my landlord. E-Harmony has this aura and pedigree surrounding the company because of their supposedly amazing knack for psychological profiling – everyone I spoke to who knew of E-Harmony but had never actually tried the site was even under the impression that it took months to find you the perfect match because of their whole complicated system.

Well, hello everyone, let me be the first to spill the paint on E-Harmony's pristine image: I was asked the exact same psychological profiling questions as on the other sites - just extended and ad nauseum - except they did include a number of questions about my sexual compatibility which I found intrusive and inappropriate (but I answered in the spirit of participation). Matches were produced immediately. Slowly at first, now non-stop. I don’t know for sure, but I'm quite sure I’m being matched with daters simply based on generic preferences like drinking, smoking, location, whether I like to dance or watch movies, want children - you get the point. Which would be fine – except they’re promising something much more in-depth – AND wasted over an hour of my time with their inane psychological profiling. Only to now be sending me basically any guy in Vancouver. Oh, and Blaine, WA. I thought the point of paying was quality over quantity. Seriously? I’m doing better playing Russian roulette with Plenty of Fish. More on that later.

So – back to not knowing who my dates are – E-harmony sent me so many profiles (and remember they have this 50-step “guided communication process”) that the only way I was going to get a date by next week was to cut to the chase: I sent a cut & pasted “hi! Your pic and profile seem sweet – but I can’t deal with this system – here’s my email address if you’d like to chat” email to the top seven. Yes, yes I did. I know, bad me. What else is a girl trying to sincerely date on 30 sites to do? So...there has been a little confusion in the gmail account...along with the Plenty of Fish and Match date scheduling. Sigh. Better than an ordinary life, right?

(And you, if you happen to find me here and were one of my seven of course I meant it and I’m sorry I couldn’t be witty seven different times. Please send your hate mail to E-Harmony)

First dates on Sunday! Video blogs start sunday too! woo hoo!

So we’re on Day 3 – sorry, I skipped a day thanks to an earache - and I am still slogging my way through the “guided communicaton steps” with possible daters on Chemistry a nd E-Harmony (how do you ever meet anyone in person this way???) and Match only JUST approved my profile (not exactly sure, but I think they objected to my use of William Shatner’s name – he’s a cousin twice-removed…too personal!). The guided communication steps are possibly the most frustrating thing I’ve ever encountered in regards to a system supposedly set up to encourage you to connect with another human being (well of course it is – they want to slow down the process, right?) - but is the general idea that if you’re dating online you have absolutely no social skills whatsoever? Have now discovered that E-Harmony does give you the option to “fast-track” – skip all the steps and go straight to email – but they give you this huge long disclaimer and personal letter from some doctor about how you should avoid rushing and are you sure this is what you want to do…I clicked yes! And told my hottie pilot he should come find me on MSN. Oh thank god, no more guided communication on E-Harmony at least!

New site sign-ups:

TrulyMadlyDating: Free to set up profile, wander around

Usability: This one was recommended by a friend who had read about in the NY Times – they do seem to have rather impressive reviews but only two male members in Canada between the ages of 28 – 45. One in Vancouver and one in Montreal! I favorited the Vancouver guy – why not! Same old re set up and with the endless check-off profile questions – I did like the addition of this question: how truthfully have you answered these questions? I checked off “very”. (Which wasn’t the most truthful of them all..like I said…I try!)

Lavalife: Free for most things as far as I could tell. I believe if you want to know who has been checking your profile you need to pay, but sending emails is free. I’ll check back with info.

Usability: Lavalife has always been very easy re meeting guys – especially with the IM function (although guys who IM are not looking for relationships) but since Plenty of Fish turned up on the scene word on the street is that profiles are either dead or skewed very old. We’ll see once my pic gets approved in 24 hours. Just realized while writing this – I only set up one profile in the “relationship” section. Lavalife works with three sections: Dating, Relationship, and Intimate (which – if you’ve ever wandered through – is not for the faint of heart). Have to go back and set up a Dating profile too. Crap.

Plenty of Fish: Free.

Usability: Easy as pie if you like window-shopping for your dates. POF is known for having a buffet of young, hot singles to choose from – my general feeling? Doesn’t matter what anyone says on their profiles here, this is the worst kind of virtual meat market.

Yep, my profile is live. Onwards and upwards!

Four down...26 to go! No, this is just sign-ups. what? you thought I'd be dating already? ha! um, yeah so did I. Keep reading.

Last night I sat down and started out with Plenty of Tweeps (new local baby), Match, Chemistry and Eharmony. Took me less than 6 minutes to sign up for Plenty of Tweeps (yay!) although that would be because everyone is ignoring the request to fill out the personal bio so I did too – which, in the other sign-ups turned out to be the least tedious part. Go figure. Meanwhile I was PRAYING for Chemistry’s “Helen-Fisher vetted” questionnaire to end and had to get drunk just to drag myself to through the last stage of Eharmony’s. (Which also turned out to still be another FIVE pages from the end). I swear I was trying to be as truthful as possible (my knee-jerk response to generic armchair-psychology-style questionnaires is – gasp! – inappropriate sarcasm…but I am TRYING) …and Eharmony was bugging me with their questions about sexual compatibility – which you have to answer – and which really are none of their business or (more to the point) how I would ever choose to look for someone to date by multiple choice – so by the time I got to the short answer “name three things you’re thankful for” I said: my family, Vancouver and potatoes.

Well it’s true. I love them.

So. Quick re-cap.

Plenty of Tweeps: Free.

Usability: meh. We’ll see. Had to sign up for a new twitter account aside from my work one because there’s no way I’d want work connected to the site…it’s just too public. So now Dating Me looks like Loser Me With No Friends. Which kind of works against you in POT world. I know, deep.

Match: Free if I only want to wink. I think I'll do the free winking and let the guys on this one get in touch with me. (Unless I have to pay to read mail...argh, I didn't check. Well, I guess we'll find out!)

Usability: Easy enough, seem to be a lot guys in Vancouver but to be blunt, out of about 60 (40? Quick scan, there was wine) I only saw one attractive pic. Match also in a class action suit about dead profiles – they deny. Curious. Especially since all of these clearly had a note saying active within 24 hours to 3 days. But maybe that's WHY. Ooo - intrigue!

Chemistry: $49.95/ One month – 10 matches for me which I was privvy to after the never-ending profiling, but you have to pay to get in touch. Which I did, oh joys.

Usability: Meh. 2 of the 10 seem of interest. You get 5 new a day. I’m curious if they have that many in Vancouver - this morning there were only 3 new. Where are my 5 dammit! Also the communication set-up is for toddlers – it’s too annoying to explain in full but there are still like, three more baby steps before I can even email with these guys. Shoot me now. For $49/month someone should be able to say hello without jumping hoops. We are not teenagers.

E-Harmony: $59.95/One month – same deal as Chemistry. Have to pay to get in touch and E-Harmony won’t show you pics til you pay. Only got six matches here.

Usability: Also has the fify-ways to Sunday steps before you can actually contact anyone. What does a girl have to do to get a phone number around here?? Kidding. But here’s my question – Eharm’s pricing is very clearly geared towards getting you on their 12-month plan. On the 12-month? $19.95/month (for plunking down $239.40 up front). Not exactly suggesting that their system works is it? Who the heck wants to be on here for a year? Just saying.

All the sites had profile & pic approvals, so I believe I've just been unleashed on the (few) online men of the world...(stay tuned for video blogs - starting later this week!

 ....30 days for one determined redhead to figure out whether the most well-known online dating services across North America actually have a hope in hell of lighting a romantic spark outside of cyberspace. With a totally open mind! Ok, with a dump truck of skepticism. Lavalife, E-Harmony, Match, Craigslist, OkCupid, J-Date, Plenty of Fish, Nerve, Yahoo Personals...